Aita for not paying for my sisters wedding. My family is just middle class.

I said I love my sister, even if we're not close like we were, but I would not want her best friend to be a bridesmaid too and I know they would never be okay with me having ADMIN. I refused to help pay for my sister's wedding. My husband [36] and I [30] have 3 kids [2, 4, 7] . My dad gave her a generous budget but she had to stay within the budget. At my age (late 30s), where I've had more work experience and time, giving $3k to someone's wedding is a huge ask. 2) I am the only one in my family that can help her without growing in debt myself. No, I didn't say that I had cured her per se. My sister is well established, have her house, car, a good job as a real estate agent. So a few years ago me and N (my then fiance) got engaged. The reason this action might make me the asshole is because I am not being supportive of my sister's dream wedding and also it may be seen as not caring about her Your financial circumstances changed. My sister's wedding was last week. You have no problems with same sex couples so long as you're not related to them. Paying $15k for something that she had nothing to apologize for even! She didn’t Sk that dumb ass to propose. So my (25f) sister and her (26m) fiancé are lower class (her 170k) (him 110k) student loan debt (interest made it grow crazy) and 18k medical debt and 35k credit The issue began a few months ago, when my eldest sister (29F) got married. The guests just needed to pay for their flight. She had asked me and our younger sibling to be bridesmaids which we both initially said yes to. To make matters worse, my dad was furloughed 6 days after the wedding. We were eating dinner at my parents 1 - you pay for a different dress. ”. Help keep the sub engaging! NTA Your sister may want you to come to her wedding but if you cannot afford it at this time do not go and put yourself in a financial bind. NTA- Your wedding, your choice. As a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including The way I looked at it was less that he uninvited himself, but that the sister put forward an agreement that he could come to the wedding if he walked her down the aisle. Excluding OP’s partner seems very targeted. I had her as my maid of honor 8 years ago and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around. AITA for forcing my friends to pay for my ruined wedding dress? Not the A-hole. I don't want to "owe" him money because people in my family are weirdly controlling towards people that owe them, so I said once again, that it wasn't worth it. My sister (25F), on the other hand, has always been critical of my job, calling it a ‘hobby’ and not a ‘real job’. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. Both of them are engaged to two wonderful men who we adore. On the other hand, I feel like my concerns are valid, and I shouldn't have to sacrifice my own well-being and financial stability for her wedding. My sister is pretty indifferent about it. Many internet users were shocked by Asshole. I'd pay the $5,000 and write on the check - reimbursement for college tuition. She got engagement 1 year ago and I believe she is only getting married to show how much money she has. You agreed to keep it for her wedding, did you say at the time only if you marry someone of the opposite gender no. Here's the situation. " Chris and I were together for 5 years, and it was serious. The eldest out of the 2 decided to take hair clippers to her hair and off it came, 2 days before we gave everyone the date. Extended family members now taking a moral stance even though they did nothing when OOP was struggling. How the hell is this even being dumped at her feet. the step sister and fiance can pay for the wedding they can afford or save for one that is better. SIL works part-time and earns about 15k a year, her parents are not well off. In sisters mind it was that agreement that was declined. NTA You are under no social obligation to pay for your sister's wedding. Now remember this was for my wedding not Jamie’s. Not the A-hole. He says I should put my family before my materialistic desires and not changing locations is a I told him that I don't want to pay to attend their wedding and that I really don't have the money to spend. To be fair, I imagine the groceries were for the wedding. $50 a month is very little. My college tuition is paid 100% by financial aid. She can either be a guest or not attend at all. My dress was $600 plus another $350 on alterations to customize it. Living parent who was/is worthless. Yes. AITA for not inviting my step sisters to my wedding? I (24 f) am engaged to my fiancé (30m). During this dinner, my sister asked my son (17m) to make her wedding dress. He has been in a wheelchair since he was 16 and my family has always ever known him to be in his chair. My parents have both been remarried about 20 years. I assume you mean the wedding though- my mom isn't going either because she can't get the time off work. I have three young children, 7M, 5F, 3M. Two weeks ago, my mom texted me for the You are absolutely not obligated to pay anything for your sister’s wedding, let alone more than your savings. I (28F) am a self-taught graphic designer and have worked hard to build my career. Remarkable-Sample122 writes: My sister, "Emily," is getting married soon. On one hand, I want to be there for my sister and celebrate this milestone with her. Mia has been disabled since the day she was born and needs wheelchair assistance and constant care whenever she is awake. they’re paying for it. One man explained to the internet that when his sister got engaged last year, she asked his 17-year-old son to make We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Attending after work hours is a reasonable compromise. My parents spent 30 grand on her wedding, taking out a second mortgage to do so. I know she had the money because she'd recently got a job that was high enough and she would have been able to pay me. Our parents passed away a few years ago, and I’ve been more of a parental figure to her since then. At least he waited a few years before pursuing sis. She then got angry at me saying my wedding was 1000x more expensive and that I had the money and wasn’t being AITA for asking my parents to pay me to go to my sisters wedding? My (28M) family and I are currently going at it over my sisters (30F) wedding. But still it's only a 3 year difference and at 2/3 years old, you don't really remember spending time with your friends so still strange logic to me as well. Reply reply. Your sister was never entitled to a wedding/honeymoon that requires a $39k from all her siblings. Feb 28, 2023 · And a recent post on the AITA subreddit just might take the dress drama cake. My grandparents owned an amazing property in the mountains that has an amazing view. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Sep 14, 2023 · The mom in the latest Reddit post said her daughter and stepdaughter are now in their mid-20s and "their relationship has not gotten any better. Jul 11, 2024 · After her family tore into her for deciding to skip her sister's wedding, an anonymous woman jumped onto Reddit's AITA forum to see if her decision is justified -- and gets a pretty strong reaction! We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. I had an incident on my wedding day back in 2017, where my former fiance abandoned me and ran away with his pregnant mistress. Paying $15,000 for a his breach in etiquette was going waaaay above and beyond, and an incredibly generous gesture. We’re planning our wedding to be in one year. My younger sister, "Lily" (26F), was my wife’s maid of honor. Open and honest communication is key in understanding each other’s perspective and resolving conflicts. Her excuse was that they needed me to help out. The wedding was being paid for our parents and the groom's. Asshole. I'm a sahm (full time) and I take care of the kids while my husband works (full time). I [33F] was adopted shortly after birth. Sounds like sister is the Golden Child and OP is the Scapegoat. She told me that she would understand if I decided not to have her as my bridesmaid due to new hairstyle and I said I didn't care. 1 not going to my sisters wedding 2 I might be the a for not going and ignoring my family Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. We live hours away which is an issue for my husband. I told her she wasn't my sister or my friend and I wouldn't want her in my wedding. She picked something out around 3. 5 hours long on this post. The only reason OP was brought along was to pay for her sister's wedding. My family is just middle class. Our parents gave me a flat fee of 10k for a dress which they are giving to my sister too. I would, personally, pay for my niece’s wheelchair rental. We have the same mum but different dads. We shopped for it together and when she first tried it on it looked great. 2) I had previously agreed to cover a large portion of the costs for it, and reneging now might put extreme stress on her on her wedding. One anonymous woman turned to the AITA online community for their verdict after she was uninvited from her sister’s wedding and then stirred up some drama. But yes still an asshole for trying to exclude the wife. During her bachelorette party, she accidentally spilled a bottle of red wine all over her wedding dress. She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. Subreddit Announcements Happy Anniversary, AITA! Madame-Defarge. I know a friend who also paid for the island hopping tours for the immediate family and entourage the days after the wedding. Your sister should have considered your work schedule and limited PTO when planning the wedding events. My sister (28F) got married 1 week ago. This is just another example of that. She then started ordering us to pay for our May 31, 2023 · 'AITA for backing out of paying for my sister's wedding dress over a 'joke' she made?' Humble-Intention3425. My son has always loved design and fashion, he took technical courses in these areas and sewing, and even his friends keep asking for his clothes because they are so beautiful. On my side I still rent, about to get a car, recently graduated university and now work a 9-5 job in marketing. We have two daughters, Jody who is 26 and Hanna who is 28. You need to back out of this agreement as fast as possible. Our wedding cost around 700k, paid by him and his parents. Merely because she "expects" you to do something, does not mean you must do it. e. . " When the poster asked the bride-to-be why the OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I refuse to pay for my sister's dream wedding and only gave her 3k gift. So my sister received a couple of ultimatums, the first was from her fiance who told her that if she didn't apologize for how she acted and what she said, that he would call off the wedding. We've been dating for about 4 months now. She was raised not knowing I existed, as were all of her siblings. That doesn't mean you have to provide your adult sister with luxuries. Important note - this is a big fat Indian wedding that is 3-4 days…. This situation has festered so badly that I am not planning on going to the wedding or home for the Hollidays this year and will go to my GFs family instead. She was devastated, but Lily promised she'd pay for the cleaning or replacement if needed. •. $5,000 is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount she paid for your college. When I was 14, my mom sent me to live with her parents. My sister sent wedding RSVP about a month ago. This incident happened a few years ago but I was recently reminded of it and I want to take Reddit's judgment. My sister has asked me (her maid of honor) if I can help pay half for things like her honeymoon, their venue, their cake, and gifts for both bridesmaids and groomsmen. My older sister, who I’m not very close to, is getting married November 2024. Your sister for making a demand to pay for half of her dress. Communication and Addressing the Situation. When I called my sister and asked about it she said my husband was of course fine to come but she requested that he not be in any family photos. Deceased parent who was worthless while alive. We've always been super close, so I'm thrilled for her, but honestly, the whole wedding planning thing has been a bit much. Be willing to listen to her feelings and try Now I'm torn. Honestly tell your family and your sister that she not allowed to attend the wedding at all since she clearly doesn’t respect you. We got the dress fitted and then bought it and took it home. No wonder 99% of people in that country go no contact with their family as soon as they can. This allowed her to be able to buy her dream wedding gown that costs 7,000 ($). "since my step sister and her fiancee are not very well to do, I should help them. You made the decision to take in your siblings and you are providing for them. "Come give me to my new spouse! My (30sM) sister (30sF) is having her wedding at the tail-end of October, and she has decided, understandably, that she doesn't want any children to be at the wedding, which is perfectly fine. I am 20 (f) and my sister 24 (f) have had a massive argument about me having a plus one. Sister is one of the angriest people I've ever met. She got angry because she thought I was paying for something I shouldn’t have. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to attend my sister's destination wedding? Parentification. Your daughter had a reasonable expectation, you had agreed to keep the 20k for her wedding. Everyone love him and he loves his aunt. NTA. A week before my wedding my sister showed me the wedding dress she I paid for my sister’s wedding photos, she didn’t have a ton of money and I wanted her to be happy. She is the one being "selfish" for making shortsighted financial decisions, not you. She had a smaller function for the destination wedding with only about 60 ish guests but rooms and meals were included. I am 25, my sister is 29 (I also have a younger sister, 8). We told her that that’s ridiculous and she should try to pay for her own wedding or get our parents help. She wants me to give her the same experience I've given my friend. Now her husband, my BIL, calls me saying that my niece and nephew really want to be there for my wedding and I’m being unfair to them. No one wants to deal with kind of bratty behavior on their wedding day. So it's been about a month since I posted and it's been a fun one. Ex who cheated on OOP, but now marrying to OOP’s sister. Anyways my sister now is getting married and she wants my husband to pay for it. AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter? Asshole. Not paying, not your party, not your guest list. A family friend spent 8k on her wedding dress back in the early 90s. 2. He's a resident and I'm a self-employed small business owner while going to college. Beep boop! Apr 23, 2024 · My sister wants me to pay for her wedding but doesn't want me to be there. 2- she lets her dad help you buy the dress - he must owe child support so she'd be taking what she is lawfully and morally due. AITA, UPDATE aita for not going to my sister's wedding. Destination wedding are also popular in my country but the people who are getting married pay for their immediate family and entourage's expenses. Since you have told her that you cannot come, and she is unwilling to accept that and wants to bully and guilt trip you, it might be a good idea to just block her for a while. This thing started 4 years ago. If the shower is a family event, it’s about all the family attending (not about her!), make an appearance and visit with your relatives, give her a fake smile, and give a token gift that’s big enough to not be insulting (a $20 Victoria’s Secret gift card). Have a conversation with your sister, explaining your reasons for not attending and expressing your regrets about not being there for her special day. Now with the pandemic and everything my sister’s wedding has been postponed to next spring. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. It's rather difficult to learn how to not be poor. I believe she just didn't want to deal with a growing male teen. My family had 6 weeks notice of my wedding day and my 2 sisters were bridesmaids. My wife and I have saved roughly $50k for each daughter as a wedding fund. I'm happy for her, but I'm not attending the wedding. “Creating a dynamic that deters from a carefree and happy flow to the bride and groom’s OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: The action that should be judged is my refusal to pay for my sister's expensive wedding. Revolutionary_Age142. Smile, visit with everyone, avoid her. It all just sounds so exhausting. I have an identical twin sister, Lena. You said yourself your parents do not make smart financial choices. Your sister needs to have the wedding she can afford not the one you co pay for, this is outrageous of an expectation. 2) My ex-fiancée said it was being inconsiderate of her and her feelings. 5k which I happily paid. In that case it’s technically their party and they get to invite their guests. She's struggling with money so I decided to help her and her fiance and pay the wedding dress. She has spent 25k on her wedding after taking a loan out. My husband is in a wheelchair. We don't speak super often but get on well enough. My sister had 2 wedding functions one of which was a destination wedding. My sister recently approached me to plan everything for her: bridal shower, bachelorette, and the actual wedding. This, however, means that I won't be attending. I've been married to him for 8 years. Push all the blame for whatever disrupts harmony onto the Scapegoat so that Golden Child can retain their Crown Princess of the family status. My sister (38F) just got married. He is mad at me AITA For Inviting my Twin Sister Wedding Dress Shopping And Not Her Mother? Not the A-hole. You don't even owe her tuition. If your sister can afford out of country trips they can afford their own wedding. They’d effectively dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t get out of. However, you're also the AH because regardless of her motives she paid for your college tuition. I saw this beautiful white lace dress with white flowers and immediately fell in love. I told her that I’m not changing my wedding venue and it’s up to her if she wishes to attend. I got married in 1993, I paid $550 for my dress and a cousin did the alterations. Do not put your own financial stability at risk. For context, on my side of things things have been difficult. She said no and dumped him over it even. He said that I could borrow the money and I'd pay him back. The invitation included almost no information, no actual location, time or even price. " First. Regardless, it is bad etiquette not to extend a plus one for destination weddings. NTA your wedding, your call. However, in my experience, parents invite guests that they want to celebrate their child’s wedding with if they are the hosts of the wedding, i. My step mom passed away recently and has sent my dad into a downward spiral causing him to back out of paying for my sisters wedding. I grew up with her dad, let's call him Curt. . That image, those details are forever engraved on my mind and I'll never forget how I felt that day. OP, please do some research on toxic family behavior, favored child/golden child syndrome and take action. A little backstory, I have a half sister, let's name her Bryony and we have a good relationship. My brother asked if I could contribute to the cost of the wedding. I do not make as much money as they both do. There are a few factors here that have me leaning not going to the wedding. I (31 M) have been married to my wonderful wife (33 F) for a year. This is when my parents got involved too and they asked me why I didn't ask my sister. Around a month ago my mother my sister and I went wedding dress shopping. 3 - you let her dad help you pay for the dress and don't tell her that - any financial agreement between you and Nicholas is between you and Nicholas. I (26F) have a son (4M) who is the only grandchild on my side of the family. He agreed, but said that he needed time and that he would need her opinion constantly. AITA for calling out my sister for not making her wedding accessibility friendly for FAMILY For context, I (34F) am a single mom to my daughter Mia (8F). We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. YTA, and you're homophobic. It's a complete paradigm shift that requires a desire to learn which most people lack in spades. Attend the wedding. My sister (33 F) is getting married October 1st. AITA for threatening to not attend my half sisters wedding? Not the A-hole. AITA for not attending Bio daughters wedding because Her step sister was not invited Asshole Bio Daughter’s Dad and I relationship did not end on good terms and while I tried my best to keep the children out of it, he did not agree and in an attempt to get the kids to side with him, he went on a smear campaign against me. She was not put up for adoption, because I was the 13th baby, and she was only the 12th. Long term & live in partners can be just as committed as married couples. Apparently my sister doesn't I (29) was recently asked to block time for my bf's (32) sister's wedding. This sister messed up and you don’t have to have her at your wedding just because she says so. Paying my way through college or paying my way to her wedding? For college- I was raised by a single mom who had no support. None of my sister's other bridesmaids are stepping up either (they all have a reason for why they can't spend more time on my sis's wedding). (This happened few days before we agreed to go buy the dress). You would be making the correct choice to not pay all that money, and they are making the incorrect choice. It's a lot for a dress but she literally cried because she wanted it. I actually thought this was a shitpost on this sub. In my family, my parents would pay if one of their grandkids needed a chair. ADMIN MOD. If not the tickets, at least the hotel rooms. AITA for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her inlaws? For background, Stella and I are identical twins, 29F and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. She refused. During early wedding planning, my sister suggested that she wanted to have a kid-free wedding, but I didn’t think she was serious as it was so early on. Subreddit Announcement The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit! I’m choosing not to have my sisters be my bridesmaids and I intend on cutting my family out of the planning and set up all together. As you can imagine, it's hard to find a babysitter for them on a I (28M) got married two years ago. OP'S sister is older than her, so if she was friends with the best friend as babies/toddlers she would technically have known her longer. I told her that just because I paid for my own sister's wedding it doesnt mean that I would pay for the wedding of the daughter of the guy she left us for. One of the cardinal rules of attending a wedding is to not steal the spotlight from the bride and groom. Some background: I have a trans sister came out to us around a year ago but had been on hormones for longer and hid it from us until she had moved out into her own place, probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic. Its also free money she's getting in return for literally nothing. This AITAistan tradition of siblings being expected to help pay for weddings is so bizarre. Ok so in January my sister got engaged and as a wedding present I offered to buy her her dream wedding dress. She doesn't have an income source or financial stability that I do. We've been close our whole lives, until my recent breakup with my ex, "Chris. My brother (both same parents) is an usher. This clearly wasn't going to be a catered affair. EDIT: I had asked her for $600 and spent around 15-20k for her treatment. Contest mode is 1. Mar 29, '23. Mom brushes it off because Sister's a tiny blonde who weighs 105 lbs soaking wet, but she has rages that can OP’s sister and fiancé are welcome to have any type of wedding they wish and to be fair a beach wedding sounds fun. Also, at your age, I'm guessing $3k isn't a small amount of money. Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail. That number STILL comes up in conversation, so it definitely happens. I am extremely close to my 1/2 sister (my dad and step mothers daughter) and she’s my maid of honor. It’s £22000 that she wants us to pay for. Yep. It turns out Emily's way over budget, and the main culprit is the dress. My little sister Emily's getting married in a few months. I agree this is the best way. She fell in love with this designer gown – we're talking thousands of NTA The famous song says, “Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, but Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man. Your mother now has to choose daughters and it isn’t you. I said I’d pay for it, as is is small with 100 guests, and set up a wedding account for them into which I put £25,000 which they both have access to. To your point, sister is essentially expecting guests to pay for a full on international vacation. Nobody owes her fun money. Throwaway. Me and my sons were also invited. ff zy nd tt mx by lo qf bq ch